BECOMING UNRECOGNIZABLE TO OURSELVES
What if one day we looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the person staring back at us, in some small but mighty way… Would that thrill you? Terrify you? Intrigue you?
Perhaps you have no idea how it would feel, or the idea of it seems completely out of reach, or perhaps it’s just “not for me”.
If it does sound exciting, the good news is that transformation isn’t about changing who we are; it’s about changing the contexts around us that shape who we are, the opportunities we have and the actions we take. Transformation is about becoming unrecognizable… not to others, but to ourselves, in all the most interesting of ways! And in ways that thrill us.
Without transformation, our growth is limited to the gradual, the mundane, the predictable. It’s still growth, it’s still valuable, but don’t you wonder about your own hidden potential?
It’s… Magic?
Consider the caterpillar. It doesn’t gradually become a butterfly before our eyes, growing wings out of its worm-like body. No, it goes through a process that seems magical, but is entirely understandable - a transformation that begins by creating a new context for its life: The chrysalis!
The chrysalis is a new context inside of which transformation becomes inevitable. The chrysalis doesn’t change the caterpillar; it provides the conditions for it to “magically” evolve into something entirely new. In the same way, humans can create contexts that unlock possibilities we never imagined or skills and ways of being that have been hidden behind our blindspots.
While I wish we were as independent as the caterpillar, able to melt into nothing but sludge then reform into a beautiful butterfly, humans simply don’t operate that way. Our chrysalis, our new context, can only be provided by the humans who surround us, shine a light on what we’re missing and be in community with us while we stew in our own mushy middle before emerging as a whole new human. And it’s not because other humans have some wisdom that we lack: it’s simply that they have a perspective that we don’t. And we have a perspective that they don’t. For each of us, a group of courageous humans working in community IS our chrysalis.
Change vs. Transformation
Change comes, change goes, we change and sometimes we change back! But transformation is irreversible, permanent and profound, because once you see behind your blindspots, you can’t unsee what you’ve learned about your future potential. Sounds scary, but it’s exciting as hell when we see as clear as day how we have been our own barriers to success.
Change is rooted in the past and is incremental. It’s driven by “fixing what already exists”, making upgrades or shifting things that are already known.
Change is the business of self-help gurus who promise to help you become the “best version of you.” Excuse me! I think we’re all already perfectly fine as we are. Or at least, we’re more than capable of becoming the “best version of me” that I can see. And I trust you can do that on your own, too.
But becoming unrecognizable to ourselves is different. It is an act of creation. It has nothing to do with who we've been. It’s not incremental, not an evolution, it’s an act of revolution, and a creation “from nothing” into the endless possibilities in our future. It requires that we’re not bound or constrained by our past, because our past contains the stories and cords that bind and limit us. But just as the wake of a boat describes the path that boat has taken, but says nothing about where it might, or could go in future, so too our past only describes where we’ve come from. It does not predict where we might go. Unless we hold onto our past, repeating what happened like a looping movie that does indeed become a self-fulfilling prophecy!
The butterfly emerges not through a change from its caterpillar past, but from a fundamental transformation formed from its essence, its potential, its context and its invented plan for the future. Human transformation is the same.
Transformation is what lies ahead of the boat. It’s not tied to old reference points. It’s a whole new realm of possibility where new actions, ways of being and results emerge.
When we transform, we’re not mending something that’s broken; we’re stepping into an entirely new world, designed and created for us by us. It’s the difference between rearranging furniture in a room (change) and building an entirely new house (transformation).
Why would we want to become unrecognizable?
For many, the idea of becoming unrecognizable to themselves is unsettling. In a world in which clinging to the familiar not only comes naturally, but is far more comfortable, even when it no longer serves us, might it be worth asking, “What about me or my life am I holding onto that is holding me back?”
Becoming unrecognizable isn’t about abandoning ourselves; it’s about letting go of any and all limitations. It’s about rewriting the story of who we are and who we are capable of being. It’s about stepping into possibilities previously hidden. It’s about gaining the power to be fully self-expressed, so we can create outcomes that we never knew were possible, because they had not even occurred to us, yet. Possibilities exist outside the context, the world, in which we currently operate.
On the other side of transformation lies freedom! Sound like the empty promise of some guru in a cave? Maybe, but think about it. Because change is based in the past, we remain constrained by that past. But because transformation is invented inside an empty future, we are not bound by the past or any other constraints. That is true freedom - to see the world differently, to see ourselves differently. We are no longer the “me” that was held back by what happened to me in my past or trapped by my limiting beliefs. Becoming unrecognizable through transformation unlocks what is possible and unleashes our potential.
Make your own magic!
Transformation doesn’t just happen; it requires redesigning our contexts to where new possibilities can emerge. Here’s how we may start:
Don’t rely only on our own perspectives: Who we become and what we achieve in life is both defined by and limited by our own beliefs. We live our lives inside of a “box” that we created for ourselves - it’s the world as WE know it and it's pretty comfy! What that doesn’t allow for is any kind of view of what might be hidden. We can’t be trusted to reveal our own blind spots - because they are OUR blindspots. Our only access is to rely on others to help. Rather than trying to figure it out on your own, invite others to share what they see for you. What are you missing that they can see, from THEIR perspective? It’s these other perspectives that illuminate the opportunities that never even occur to us.
Be curious about possibilities, not constraints: Instead of asking, “How can I fix what’s wrong?” ask, “What new possibilities can I invent for my life, inside this new context?” Transformation begins with curiosity about what could be, not what has been.
Invent new contexts for our lives: Like the caterpillar’s chrysalis, our life context creates what’s possible for us, and shapes who we are. Our life context includes the people we’re around, the places we inhabit, the rules by which we live life and our own mindsets - the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.
There’s more to it, of course. If you’re curious, come join us in one of our transformative experiences at www.cerene.life.
How do we know we’ve transformed?
“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” Hamlet, Shakespeare
When the actions, thoughts and reactions that used to feel natural to us no longer make sense, that’s transformation.
When “becoming the best version of ourselves” or trying to change something we don’t like from our past is no longer interesting, that’s transformation.
When we invent a whole world of possibility, that’s transformation.
Our past is still in our past, but when we look back, we remember who that person was as if they were a completely different human. Those past selves no longer define our possibilities. That’s transformation.
In moments of reflection, you may even find yourself asking, “Who am I?” And you can absolutely expect your family and friends to ask the same. It’s a beautiful question to ask and be asked because it signals you are living a life designed only by you, for you, where new possibilities are constantly being invented.
Next time you feel the urge to transform, perhaps because you feel stuck in some way, pause. Don’t try changing who you are. Instead, change the contexts of your world. Seek new perspectives through which you create new worlds that foster possibility and unleash your hidden potential. When you do, you might just wake up one day, look in the mirror and see someone you don’t recognize, and you’ll love it. Unstuck, blossomed, a butterfly emerging.
